Scene: Inside a college library, or some place where students study.
Two big study tables close together. At one, there is a girl seated with open books all over, she's cramming for a big exam. At the other, we see a boy sitting down and then reading a novel.
It starts out quiet, girl is anxiously reading and studying. The boy is calmly reading. He starts to lightly cough every so often. The girl hardly notices, but does glance over a couple times. The girl keeps looking at him sharply, hinting. Back to normal....soon the boy laughs at a joke in the book, girl stares him down a little, right at his face. Back to normal....boy gets a text noise, he responds to it, laughing at the funny joke his friend sent. He sends one back. The girl is very stressed and keeps giving him the stink eye.The boy sneezes a huge sneeze and we see that he has gotten some leftover sneeze on his book. He reacts, and finds a spot on the table to wipe off his snot, with some noise. Then blows his nose into his sleeve. The girl has had it.
Girl: (walks over to boy) Honestly, could you get a hint? I can't stand it anymore? May I? (She reaches towards his face to pop a zit)
Boy: Huh?
(Black out)
Monday, February 22, 2010
Bob Ross Rewrite
Man on SR in bed, he is sleeping.
Gus enters, he sees care bears playing the clouds.
GUS:Wow, where am I? What is this magical place?
Cheer Bear: Well Gus, this is Care-a-lot! Where everybody is caring!
GUS: Wow I haven't seen the care bears in years! You must be Funshine bear, and you, Cheer bear, and you on the look out, can it really be? Wish bear?
Wish Bear: You bet I am! You know what bears, we got a grumpy old former president down in Texas! He's been yelling at his television all day! I think this calls for Care Bear Stare!
Funshine: Come on Gus! We could use you and your caring in our Care Bear stare!
GUS: OK!
All get together and do the care bear stare. Care bear stare music plays. They finish.
ALL: Yay! We did it!
GUS: Yay, I can't believe I made President Bush happy! Look at him, he's skipping in his yard!
(While gus is looking down at Texas, the Care Bears slip away offstage)
GUS: Hey guys? Where'd you go? Wish bear? Funshine? (He runs around stage. Lights flicker for end of dream, he goes offstage.)
(Man in bed wakes up hazily.)
MAN: Oh no! I never met Friend bear, or Grumpy bear!
(Hot chick sits up next to him, he's been hidden)
CHICK: Babe, are you ok? You must have been dreaming?
MAN: Oh yeah, wow, weird dream... I'm fine, let's go back to bed.
(next night, same situation)
Gus enters. He's looking down. He sees the painter.
GUS: Hey... wait a minute... are you... it can't be... really? Bob Ross! I thought you were dead, oh my God! I've idolized you all my life! Ever since you left my life has been a dreary mix of greys and blacks!
BOB: No, no Gus. I'm very real and here. And life is colorful! So many happy trees and shoops shoops shoops. Come let's paint together.
(Corny happy hippie music comes on, they skip around the stage like it's a park and point out things and paint things. Big smiles. They hold hands and spin together. Lights flicker and music fades. Bob spins around the stage and exits)
GUS: BOB! NOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
BOB: (Dreamily) Remember Gus, there are no mistakes....only happy accidents....
(Gus chases after him. Black out)
MAN: (Waking up)NOOO!!! AH! Happy...happy...Bob, don't go! ( Lights up. He wakes up from his nightmare)
CHICK: (sits up) Honey, what happened? Were you having another nightmare?
MAN: Yeah, this one was so happy mountains and beautiful, and then it ended so sadly and he disappeared, and....nevermind...I'll be ok.
CHICK: Are you sure?
MAN: Yeah, go back to sleep. Didn't mean to wake you up.
(Next night. Same situation. Gus enters, Neeclo enters. They are avatar/pandora creatures)
NEECLO: Gus! My brother, I have searched all the land for you.
GUS: What!? Where am I? Oh no way! This is Pandora, and we're.... Oh my god! This is beautiful!
NEECLO: Of course it is. You act like you haven't been looking at it for your whole life. Come on, let's go to the Ehwah tree and ask her for guidance about the upcoming hunt.
(Beautiful Avatar music comes on, they jump around like they are in the forest and running. They are one with the nature. There are all kinds of colorful light effects)
(They reach the ehwah tree at center stage. They sit down in mediatation like poses. Gus holds up his braid)
GUS: Oh great one, Ehwah. Please give us strength for our great hunt. We confide in you to show us the way and keep us from harm.
(Both avatars start speaking Navi language. Music again, both do the weird praying head swinging thing. Lights flicker.)
Black OUt
MAN: (speaking an unintelligable language. He sits up reaching out for Ehwah. He comes to, realizes he was dreaming) It's not real....it must be real. I wanna go back! EHWAHH!!!! Bob!!!!!!!!! Funshine bear! I want happy forest Avatar land!
HOT CHICK: (Sitting up) Hey, Gus... what's going on? You keep waking up from all these nightmares, come here. (She tries to embrace him)
GUS: (He looks at her) NOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Don't touch me, you're ugly! Nothing compares to the beauty in my dreams! I wanna go back! (He runs to the center of the stage and falls on his knees) Oh GOOOODDDD PLEASE, I CANT LIVE LIKE THIS!!!!! PANDORA!!!!!
Gus enters, he sees care bears playing the clouds.
GUS:Wow, where am I? What is this magical place?
Cheer Bear: Well Gus, this is Care-a-lot! Where everybody is caring!
GUS: Wow I haven't seen the care bears in years! You must be Funshine bear, and you, Cheer bear, and you on the look out, can it really be? Wish bear?
Wish Bear: You bet I am! You know what bears, we got a grumpy old former president down in Texas! He's been yelling at his television all day! I think this calls for Care Bear Stare!
Funshine: Come on Gus! We could use you and your caring in our Care Bear stare!
GUS: OK!
All get together and do the care bear stare. Care bear stare music plays. They finish.
ALL: Yay! We did it!
GUS: Yay, I can't believe I made President Bush happy! Look at him, he's skipping in his yard!
(While gus is looking down at Texas, the Care Bears slip away offstage)
GUS: Hey guys? Where'd you go? Wish bear? Funshine? (He runs around stage. Lights flicker for end of dream, he goes offstage.)
(Man in bed wakes up hazily.)
MAN: Oh no! I never met Friend bear, or Grumpy bear!
(Hot chick sits up next to him, he's been hidden)
CHICK: Babe, are you ok? You must have been dreaming?
MAN: Oh yeah, wow, weird dream... I'm fine, let's go back to bed.
(next night, same situation)
Gus enters. He's looking down. He sees the painter.
GUS: Hey... wait a minute... are you... it can't be... really? Bob Ross! I thought you were dead, oh my God! I've idolized you all my life! Ever since you left my life has been a dreary mix of greys and blacks!
BOB: No, no Gus. I'm very real and here. And life is colorful! So many happy trees and shoops shoops shoops. Come let's paint together.
(Corny happy hippie music comes on, they skip around the stage like it's a park and point out things and paint things. Big smiles. They hold hands and spin together. Lights flicker and music fades. Bob spins around the stage and exits)
GUS: BOB! NOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
BOB: (Dreamily) Remember Gus, there are no mistakes....only happy accidents....
(Gus chases after him. Black out)
MAN: (Waking up)NOOO!!! AH! Happy...happy...Bob, don't go! ( Lights up. He wakes up from his nightmare)
CHICK: (sits up) Honey, what happened? Were you having another nightmare?
MAN: Yeah, this one was so happy mountains and beautiful, and then it ended so sadly and he disappeared, and....nevermind...I'll be ok.
CHICK: Are you sure?
MAN: Yeah, go back to sleep. Didn't mean to wake you up.
(Next night. Same situation. Gus enters, Neeclo enters. They are avatar/pandora creatures)
NEECLO: Gus! My brother, I have searched all the land for you.
GUS: What!? Where am I? Oh no way! This is Pandora, and we're.... Oh my god! This is beautiful!
NEECLO: Of course it is. You act like you haven't been looking at it for your whole life. Come on, let's go to the Ehwah tree and ask her for guidance about the upcoming hunt.
(Beautiful Avatar music comes on, they jump around like they are in the forest and running. They are one with the nature. There are all kinds of colorful light effects)
(They reach the ehwah tree at center stage. They sit down in mediatation like poses. Gus holds up his braid)
GUS: Oh great one, Ehwah. Please give us strength for our great hunt. We confide in you to show us the way and keep us from harm.
(Both avatars start speaking Navi language. Music again, both do the weird praying head swinging thing. Lights flicker.)
Black OUt
MAN: (speaking an unintelligable language. He sits up reaching out for Ehwah. He comes to, realizes he was dreaming) It's not real....it must be real. I wanna go back! EHWAHH!!!! Bob!!!!!!!!! Funshine bear! I want happy forest Avatar land!
HOT CHICK: (Sitting up) Hey, Gus... what's going on? You keep waking up from all these nightmares, come here. (She tries to embrace him)
GUS: (He looks at her) NOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Don't touch me, you're ugly! Nothing compares to the beauty in my dreams! I wanna go back! (He runs to the center of the stage and falls on his knees) Oh GOOOODDDD PLEASE, I CANT LIVE LIKE THIS!!!!! PANDORA!!!!!
Monday, February 15, 2010
Bob Ross
Scene: Dream sequences. We see two beds on each side of the stage. 2 guys sleep in each. We see a man with a large fro and a beret painting center stage.
Gus enters. He's looking down. He sees the painter.
GUS: Hey... wait a minute... are you... it can't be... really? Bob Ross! I thought you were dead, oh my God! I've idolized you all my life! Ever since you left my life has been a dreary mix of greys and blacks!
BOB: No, no Gus. I'm very real and here. And life is colorful! So many happy trees and shoops shoops shoops. Come let's paint together.
(Corny happy hippie music comes on, they skip around the stage like it's a park and point out things and paint things. Big smiles. They hold hands and spin together. Lights flicker and music fades. Bob spins around the stage and exits)
GUS: BOB! NOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
(Black out)
Guy 1 in bed: (He has a long black braid)NOOO!!! AH! Happy...happy... ( Lights up. He wakes up from his nightmare)
(Neeclo enters. Is an avatar/pandora creature)
NEECLO: Gus! My brother, it's ok. You were having a dream.
GUS: OH... right...it was terrible.wow... Pandora! It's so beautiful!
NEECLO: Of course it is. You act like you haven't been looking at it for your whole life. Come on, let's go to the Ehwah tree and tell her about your dream. She will know its meaning.
(Beautiful Avatar music comes on, they jump around like they are in the forest and running. They are one with the nature. There are all kinds of colorful light effects)
(They reach the ehwah tree at center stage. They sit down in mediatation like poses. Gus holds up his braid)
GUS: Oh great one, Ehwah. Please help me find the meaning behind these dreams. I seek your guidance.
(Music again, both do the weird praying head swinging thing. Lights flicker.)
Black OUt
Guy 2 in bed: (speaking an unintelligable language. He sits up reaching out for Ehwah. He comes to, realizes he was dreaming) It's not real....it must be real. I wanna go back! EHWAHH!!!! Bob!!!!!!!!! I want happy forest Avatar land!
(A hot chick in her underwear sits up next to him. She was hidden in the bed.She's still hazy, half-asleep)
HOTTIE: Hey, Gus... are you ok? Come back to bed... come here... you must be worn out after last night....
GUS: (He looks at her) NOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Oh GOOOODDDD!!!!!
BLACK OUT
Gus enters. He's looking down. He sees the painter.
GUS: Hey... wait a minute... are you... it can't be... really? Bob Ross! I thought you were dead, oh my God! I've idolized you all my life! Ever since you left my life has been a dreary mix of greys and blacks!
BOB: No, no Gus. I'm very real and here. And life is colorful! So many happy trees and shoops shoops shoops. Come let's paint together.
(Corny happy hippie music comes on, they skip around the stage like it's a park and point out things and paint things. Big smiles. They hold hands and spin together. Lights flicker and music fades. Bob spins around the stage and exits)
GUS: BOB! NOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
(Black out)
Guy 1 in bed: (He has a long black braid)NOOO!!! AH! Happy...happy... ( Lights up. He wakes up from his nightmare)
(Neeclo enters. Is an avatar/pandora creature)
NEECLO: Gus! My brother, it's ok. You were having a dream.
GUS: OH... right...it was terrible.wow... Pandora! It's so beautiful!
NEECLO: Of course it is. You act like you haven't been looking at it for your whole life. Come on, let's go to the Ehwah tree and tell her about your dream. She will know its meaning.
(Beautiful Avatar music comes on, they jump around like they are in the forest and running. They are one with the nature. There are all kinds of colorful light effects)
(They reach the ehwah tree at center stage. They sit down in mediatation like poses. Gus holds up his braid)
GUS: Oh great one, Ehwah. Please help me find the meaning behind these dreams. I seek your guidance.
(Music again, both do the weird praying head swinging thing. Lights flicker.)
Black OUt
Guy 2 in bed: (speaking an unintelligable language. He sits up reaching out for Ehwah. He comes to, realizes he was dreaming) It's not real....it must be real. I wanna go back! EHWAHH!!!! Bob!!!!!!!!! I want happy forest Avatar land!
(A hot chick in her underwear sits up next to him. She was hidden in the bed.She's still hazy, half-asleep)
HOTTIE: Hey, Gus... are you ok? Come back to bed... come here... you must be worn out after last night....
GUS: (He looks at her) NOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Oh GOOOODDDD!!!!!
BLACK OUT
Sunday, February 14, 2010
Valentine's Day
Scene: apartment of boyfriend and girlfriend.
GF: (Offstage) I can't believe it! I've finally gotten to 120 pounds! Can you imagine, 2 years ago I weighed 280 pounds more than I do now!
BF: You've done great baby! Those power walks with Sherry have really paid off for you! Come out here so I can that sexy ass!
GF: (Runs in and jumps into his arms, they kiss) Woo! MUUUAAH! I love you!
BF: MMM I love you! (spanks her) Speaking of love... Valentine's Day is coming up, did you have any ideas about what you wanted to do?
GF: Well, actually, I got the idea from a friend to go whale watching.
BF: (chuckling) Honey, you know I love the state fair, but it's not til August.
GF: Huh? What? No! I mean whale wathcing, like, at the ocean!
BF: Oh baby, I'm sorry, I thought you were joking...
GF: (getting upset) You know whale is a derogatory term for fatasses, and well, I guess that's how you saw me... (starts crying)
BF: Aw baby no! I would never think that! You were never a whale. You were beautiful. And you're beautiful now.
GF: Really?
BF: Of course honey, if anything you were an exquisite dolphin.
GF: Oh baby, I love you. (kisses, cheering up) Well, anyways, I also heard about a gourment 4 course meal at the OCB?
BF: Old Country Buffet? Baby only guys that are chubby chasers take their girl on a date there for Valentine's.
GF: Old Country Buffet? Chubby chasers? I was talking about the Old Capitol Brewery! Oh my God! So I guess a year a ago you would have been ecstatic to take me to the OLD COUNTRY BUFFET huh! You would have been the biggest chubby chaser ever! (starts crying again)
BF: Oh shit! No baby! Really. whenever I hear OCB that's what I think of. I go there with the guys from the auto shop for lunch.... come on baby... don't think that. If anything I would be called a hot new mother chaser, cause that's what you are. A mother. And that's beautiful.
GF: I bet when Sherry had her baby she didn't have to put another mattress next to her bed to make more space! AHhhh.....! (sobbing)
BF: Baby that mattress was because I was so turned on by you that I needed more room to roll around with you while makin love!
GF: (giggles a little) Yeah you did move around a lot more back then....
BF: See baby? You were and ARE a sexy mama. (kisses her)
GF: (clearing up) Ok, ok, you're right. I am sexy. I am sexy and confident and a strong woman!
BF: That's the spirit baby! So now, how bout we make a whole day of it, we can take the baby to my mothers. We will go whale watching, at the beach and then go to Old Capitol Brewery and then... a movie? Dancing?
GF: Ooh yeah let's go dancing! It'll feel good to get up on our feet! And it's been forever since we've gone dancing!
BF: Yeah, I could use the exercise anyway huh?! (sarcasm)
GF: Yeah, you should actually cut out on the beer, you're getting an alien growing inside of you beer gut. (baby crying offstage) Oh! Better go check on her.
BF: For sure....
GF: (Offstage) I can't believe it! I've finally gotten to 120 pounds! Can you imagine, 2 years ago I weighed 280 pounds more than I do now!
BF: You've done great baby! Those power walks with Sherry have really paid off for you! Come out here so I can that sexy ass!
GF: (Runs in and jumps into his arms, they kiss) Woo! MUUUAAH! I love you!
BF: MMM I love you! (spanks her) Speaking of love... Valentine's Day is coming up, did you have any ideas about what you wanted to do?
GF: Well, actually, I got the idea from a friend to go whale watching.
BF: (chuckling) Honey, you know I love the state fair, but it's not til August.
GF: Huh? What? No! I mean whale wathcing, like, at the ocean!
BF: Oh baby, I'm sorry, I thought you were joking...
GF: (getting upset) You know whale is a derogatory term for fatasses, and well, I guess that's how you saw me... (starts crying)
BF: Aw baby no! I would never think that! You were never a whale. You were beautiful. And you're beautiful now.
GF: Really?
BF: Of course honey, if anything you were an exquisite dolphin.
GF: Oh baby, I love you. (kisses, cheering up) Well, anyways, I also heard about a gourment 4 course meal at the OCB?
BF: Old Country Buffet? Baby only guys that are chubby chasers take their girl on a date there for Valentine's.
GF: Old Country Buffet? Chubby chasers? I was talking about the Old Capitol Brewery! Oh my God! So I guess a year a ago you would have been ecstatic to take me to the OLD COUNTRY BUFFET huh! You would have been the biggest chubby chaser ever! (starts crying again)
BF: Oh shit! No baby! Really. whenever I hear OCB that's what I think of. I go there with the guys from the auto shop for lunch.... come on baby... don't think that. If anything I would be called a hot new mother chaser, cause that's what you are. A mother. And that's beautiful.
GF: I bet when Sherry had her baby she didn't have to put another mattress next to her bed to make more space! AHhhh.....! (sobbing)
BF: Baby that mattress was because I was so turned on by you that I needed more room to roll around with you while makin love!
GF: (giggles a little) Yeah you did move around a lot more back then....
BF: See baby? You were and ARE a sexy mama. (kisses her)
GF: (clearing up) Ok, ok, you're right. I am sexy. I am sexy and confident and a strong woman!
BF: That's the spirit baby! So now, how bout we make a whole day of it, we can take the baby to my mothers. We will go whale watching, at the beach and then go to Old Capitol Brewery and then... a movie? Dancing?
GF: Ooh yeah let's go dancing! It'll feel good to get up on our feet! And it's been forever since we've gone dancing!
BF: Yeah, I could use the exercise anyway huh?! (sarcasm)
GF: Yeah, you should actually cut out on the beer, you're getting an alien growing inside of you beer gut. (baby crying offstage) Oh! Better go check on her.
BF: For sure....
Random Character Creation (in class)
So me and Merl, just sitting on the porch. Finally finished my whistle that I've been whittling over the past two years. Merl sure has taken a likin to it. He comes right up to me when I blow it, even though he was just sitting right next to me. Had a good day on the bayou. Found a nice patch of sludge by the huckleberry bush. Should make a fine shoe adhesive, perhaps an Elmer's paste type. Anyways, gettin ahead of myself. I'm thinkin I might get me some turkey patties next time I'm in town. Ole' doc done tol' me my heart is as stuffed up as the deer head on my wall. No more sausage burgers. Oh well. I guess Merl won't mind eating turkey scraps, all the same. There ain't no makin me stop eatin my meatloaf and stroganauf casserole though. Ole' grand-daddy Naaman ate that every Sunday; lived to be the ripe age of 78. Some traditions aren't worth breakin.
Tuesday, February 9, 2010
REboot
OK, here I am, back again. Gonna try and make this week very productive. Gonna write everyday (I have tons of scenes to do), gonna eat right, gonna exercise, gonna read a good novel, gonna go on auditions, gonna submit for auditions, gonna play with my puppy, gonna see my friends, gonna have quality time with my boyfriend...gonna....gonna....ooh I'm tired already thinking about it.
Have you ever known one of those people that somehow manages to do EVERYTHING? Someone that redefines the "renaissance man" or woman. How the hell do they do it? And do they ACTUALLY do it? Where do they find the time? Do they sleep? Do they eat? Do they take time to use the bathroom? Do they have friends? If so, do they actually see their friends? How do these people manage?
I would love to just sit down with one of these people and pick at their brain.
I didn't really have anywhere to go with that.... but it was kinda on my mind, perhaps more to come.
I've been having the worse case of writer's block these past couple weeks. It's almost as if my brain is so mushy that I can't organize any of my ideas into something on paper. Isn't that funny how the brain can be so sharp one day, and so dull the next? Like right now, I don't really have anything monumental to say. I'm at work and I'm bored, and it's gloomy and yucky rain outside. Cold. Just one of those days where I want to cuddle up next to my pretend fireplace and have a big hot cup of cocoa. REAL cocoa, not that powdered stuff. The French are really good at making "chocolat chaud". Give it a shot if you ever go and are sick of the tiny espressos. Speaking of the French. I'm looking for second job and I actually applied to a crepe place today. It said you had to speak French, which I do, in order to work there. Does that make it a specialty job? Think I should get paid more for my special skill required for spreading batter around on a round grill thing? MMMM, crepes are good. Awesome with nutella and banana, in case you've never had one, you should get that. la la la... nothing else to talk about. Just letting you know that I'm doing that exercise where we just write whatever comes into our brains. I'm looking out the window of my job... lot of creepy people in this hood. I think it's cause of the metro stop near by. It's a shame that subways get a bad rep. Always things "underground" are creepy. Has there ever been something underground that wasn't creepy? I can't think of anything....
uh.... mush brain....
Have you ever known one of those people that somehow manages to do EVERYTHING? Someone that redefines the "renaissance man" or woman. How the hell do they do it? And do they ACTUALLY do it? Where do they find the time? Do they sleep? Do they eat? Do they take time to use the bathroom? Do they have friends? If so, do they actually see their friends? How do these people manage?
I would love to just sit down with one of these people and pick at their brain.
I didn't really have anywhere to go with that.... but it was kinda on my mind, perhaps more to come.
I've been having the worse case of writer's block these past couple weeks. It's almost as if my brain is so mushy that I can't organize any of my ideas into something on paper. Isn't that funny how the brain can be so sharp one day, and so dull the next? Like right now, I don't really have anything monumental to say. I'm at work and I'm bored, and it's gloomy and yucky rain outside. Cold. Just one of those days where I want to cuddle up next to my pretend fireplace and have a big hot cup of cocoa. REAL cocoa, not that powdered stuff. The French are really good at making "chocolat chaud". Give it a shot if you ever go and are sick of the tiny espressos. Speaking of the French. I'm looking for second job and I actually applied to a crepe place today. It said you had to speak French, which I do, in order to work there. Does that make it a specialty job? Think I should get paid more for my special skill required for spreading batter around on a round grill thing? MMMM, crepes are good. Awesome with nutella and banana, in case you've never had one, you should get that. la la la... nothing else to talk about. Just letting you know that I'm doing that exercise where we just write whatever comes into our brains. I'm looking out the window of my job... lot of creepy people in this hood. I think it's cause of the metro stop near by. It's a shame that subways get a bad rep. Always things "underground" are creepy. Has there ever been something underground that wasn't creepy? I can't think of anything....
uh.... mush brain....
Monday, February 1, 2010
Pogger Rewrite
Pogger
Scene: An elementary school lunch room.
A bunch of "cool kids" sit at a lunch table. They are all hovered over something in the middle of the table, they are cheering, rooting.
New kid walks up to them.
NEW KID: Hey guys, my name is Rollin, today is my first day, can I sit with you?
All kids look up and observe him all over.
LEADER KID: You can sit with us....only if you have what it takes to be a Slam Bam Jam. And by the looks of you, you don't.
All the kids snicker.
NEW KID: Slam Bam Jam? What's that?
ALL KIDS: SLAM BAM JAM! HUAH! YEAH!!!! (high fives etc.)
LEADER KID: That's our club and you've got to prove your skills at pogs.
ALL KIDS: (random) Yeah, pogs bro! P to the ogsizzle! Gotta pog dog!
NEW KID: Well, I’ve got a girlfriend in the 7th grade.
LEADER KID: Bah! Big deal! I have more pogs than anyone in the entire school district.
ALL KIDS: YEAH! THE WHOLE WEST DES MOINES DISTRICT! (It’s a chant they’ve practiced before)
NEW KID: Well does anyone wanna see the cigarettes I stole from my uncle Dave?
ALL KIDS: (random) Cigarettes are so 3rd grade! Slam that yo!
NEW KID: Wow…. Well I bet you guys have never seen the Christmas Denise Richards Playboy edition mag! I got it right here in my 100% Italian leather man purse!
ALL KIDS: (They all pull different editions of Playboy out of their bag. The magazines are all cut up)
LEADER KID: Booyashaka, we cover all our slammers with Playboy pictures.
ALL KIDS: YEAH PORNO POGS!!! WOO!!!
All kids laugh, random shouts of laughing and stating about how he's a loser and everything for not knowing about pogs.
LEADER KID: Geez kid, until you're a Slam Bam Jam, you're nothin. Kick rocks.
All kids get up from the table, lunch bell rings. New kid stands alone. Up walks a strange cowboy kid, a very young Clint Eastwood type. He has a piece of straw in his mouth.
NEW KID: What the hell just happened….This is totally not the Topeka school district. This sucks.
COWBOY KID: So, you wanna be a Slam Bam Jam, huh?
NEW KID: Well I guess….I mean, I’m cool. I’ve always been cool. I have pictures of me slamming red bulls with Miley Cyrus. But now I have to degrade myself to….what the fuck are pogs anyhow?
COWBOY KID: I can help you, teach you. But you gotta be ready. You gotta be....
NEW KID: ... be? Be what?
COWBOY KID: (beat) A fighter.
NEW KID: Um ok, you could have just said that in the first place. (aside) Weirdo….
Next scene.
We see a montage of New Kid's training. He's pumping iron. He's staring stacks of pogs down like meditation. He's doing pog football like drills. Karate like drills all involving pogs. There's Rocky or Karate Kid music in the background.
Final drill.
COWBOY KID: You have proven yourself...um...New....Kid. You are ready for the final test.
NEW KID: (bowing to his sensail) I won't fail you master. (Beat) Oh and don’t forget to ask your mom about going to Abercrombie on Saturday…..yeah….right…anyways.
COWBOY KID: Good. Now I will place the stack of pogs behind you while you are blindfolded. You must then use your other senses and your mind to perform the perfect slam in one jump.
Cowboy kid ties blind fold around new kid's eyes. He turns him around and places the pogs. He steps away from the new kid. Beat of silence. Cowboy kid yells out, not a word, but a strong signal to new kid to perform the slam. New kid yells out and makes a huge slamming jump and gesture. The pogs fly everywhere. A beat of silence. New kid takes off blindfold. He is astounded at his achievement.
COWBOY KID: You have achieved the perfect slam. You are the chosen one. You must pog with the lead Slam Bam Jam.
Scene: Same set up in lunch room. New Kid approaches the Slam Bam Jam table.
NEW KID: I have come to challenge the greatest pogger here.
LEADER: Ha ha, look who's back. So you think you have what it takes huh? Ok NERD, let's do this!
Pogs get set up, big elaborate battle scene to be played out. Everyone surrounds them. Leader and new kid warm up. Cowboy kid goes to the center of the "ring".
COWBOY KID: Ok, I will place the pogs in the center. Each pogger slams once. Who ever has the best sudden death slam will be the victor. Slam Bam Jam leader, you shall go first.
Leader boosts up the crowd, gets cocky.
LEADER: Woo hoo! Let's get this tea party over with!
The leader makes a big slam. He's content, all the people cheer. Meanwhile, new kid is meditating in his corner. Cowboy kid picks up the pogs and re stacks them in the middle.
COWBOY KID: Slam bam jam leader, you have successfully slammed 85% of your pogs. New Kid, it is your turn.
New kid gets up and does a calm breathing ritual, he is becoming one with the pogs. All are silent. He jumps up, makes a big karate sound, and slams down the pogs. Everyone gasps. It is clear that he has completed the perfect slam.
COWBOY KID: You have slammed a perfect slammed. You are the champion!
All kids ooh and ahh the new champion.
LEADER: (starts balling and throwing a fit!) I hate you! AHHH!! It's not fair! I'm the champion! I'm gonna tell my mommy on you! Teacher!
He runs off.
BLACKOUT
Scene: An elementary school lunch room.
A bunch of "cool kids" sit at a lunch table. They are all hovered over something in the middle of the table, they are cheering, rooting.
New kid walks up to them.
NEW KID: Hey guys, my name is Rollin, today is my first day, can I sit with you?
All kids look up and observe him all over.
LEADER KID: You can sit with us....only if you have what it takes to be a Slam Bam Jam. And by the looks of you, you don't.
All the kids snicker.
NEW KID: Slam Bam Jam? What's that?
ALL KIDS: SLAM BAM JAM! HUAH! YEAH!!!! (high fives etc.)
LEADER KID: That's our club and you've got to prove your skills at pogs.
ALL KIDS: (random) Yeah, pogs bro! P to the ogsizzle! Gotta pog dog!
NEW KID: Well, I’ve got a girlfriend in the 7th grade.
LEADER KID: Bah! Big deal! I have more pogs than anyone in the entire school district.
ALL KIDS: YEAH! THE WHOLE WEST DES MOINES DISTRICT! (It’s a chant they’ve practiced before)
NEW KID: Well does anyone wanna see the cigarettes I stole from my uncle Dave?
ALL KIDS: (random) Cigarettes are so 3rd grade! Slam that yo!
NEW KID: Wow…. Well I bet you guys have never seen the Christmas Denise Richards Playboy edition mag! I got it right here in my 100% Italian leather man purse!
ALL KIDS: (They all pull different editions of Playboy out of their bag. The magazines are all cut up)
LEADER KID: Booyashaka, we cover all our slammers with Playboy pictures.
ALL KIDS: YEAH PORNO POGS!!! WOO!!!
All kids laugh, random shouts of laughing and stating about how he's a loser and everything for not knowing about pogs.
LEADER KID: Geez kid, until you're a Slam Bam Jam, you're nothin. Kick rocks.
All kids get up from the table, lunch bell rings. New kid stands alone. Up walks a strange cowboy kid, a very young Clint Eastwood type. He has a piece of straw in his mouth.
NEW KID: What the hell just happened….This is totally not the Topeka school district. This sucks.
COWBOY KID: So, you wanna be a Slam Bam Jam, huh?
NEW KID: Well I guess….I mean, I’m cool. I’ve always been cool. I have pictures of me slamming red bulls with Miley Cyrus. But now I have to degrade myself to….what the fuck are pogs anyhow?
COWBOY KID: I can help you, teach you. But you gotta be ready. You gotta be....
NEW KID: ... be? Be what?
COWBOY KID: (beat) A fighter.
NEW KID: Um ok, you could have just said that in the first place. (aside) Weirdo….
Next scene.
We see a montage of New Kid's training. He's pumping iron. He's staring stacks of pogs down like meditation. He's doing pog football like drills. Karate like drills all involving pogs. There's Rocky or Karate Kid music in the background.
Final drill.
COWBOY KID: You have proven yourself...um...New....Kid. You are ready for the final test.
NEW KID: (bowing to his sensail) I won't fail you master. (Beat) Oh and don’t forget to ask your mom about going to Abercrombie on Saturday…..yeah….right…anyways.
COWBOY KID: Good. Now I will place the stack of pogs behind you while you are blindfolded. You must then use your other senses and your mind to perform the perfect slam in one jump.
Cowboy kid ties blind fold around new kid's eyes. He turns him around and places the pogs. He steps away from the new kid. Beat of silence. Cowboy kid yells out, not a word, but a strong signal to new kid to perform the slam. New kid yells out and makes a huge slamming jump and gesture. The pogs fly everywhere. A beat of silence. New kid takes off blindfold. He is astounded at his achievement.
COWBOY KID: You have achieved the perfect slam. You are the chosen one. You must pog with the lead Slam Bam Jam.
Scene: Same set up in lunch room. New Kid approaches the Slam Bam Jam table.
NEW KID: I have come to challenge the greatest pogger here.
LEADER: Ha ha, look who's back. So you think you have what it takes huh? Ok NERD, let's do this!
Pogs get set up, big elaborate battle scene to be played out. Everyone surrounds them. Leader and new kid warm up. Cowboy kid goes to the center of the "ring".
COWBOY KID: Ok, I will place the pogs in the center. Each pogger slams once. Who ever has the best sudden death slam will be the victor. Slam Bam Jam leader, you shall go first.
Leader boosts up the crowd, gets cocky.
LEADER: Woo hoo! Let's get this tea party over with!
The leader makes a big slam. He's content, all the people cheer. Meanwhile, new kid is meditating in his corner. Cowboy kid picks up the pogs and re stacks them in the middle.
COWBOY KID: Slam bam jam leader, you have successfully slammed 85% of your pogs. New Kid, it is your turn.
New kid gets up and does a calm breathing ritual, he is becoming one with the pogs. All are silent. He jumps up, makes a big karate sound, and slams down the pogs. Everyone gasps. It is clear that he has completed the perfect slam.
COWBOY KID: You have slammed a perfect slammed. You are the champion!
All kids ooh and ahh the new champion.
LEADER: (starts balling and throwing a fit!) I hate you! AHHH!! It's not fair! I'm the champion! I'm gonna tell my mommy on you! Teacher!
He runs off.
BLACKOUT
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
