Bob Ross Rewrite

Man on SR in bed, he is sleeping.

Gus enters, he sees care bears playing the clouds.

GUS:Wow, where am I? What is this magical place?

Cheer Bear: Well Gus, this is Care-a-lot! Where everybody is caring!

GUS: Wow I haven't seen the care bears in years! You must be Funshine bear, and you, Cheer bear, and you on the look out, can it really be? Wish bear?

Wish Bear: You bet I am! You know what bears, we got a grumpy old former president down in Texas! He's been yelling at his television all day! I think this calls for Care Bear Stare!

Funshine: Come on Gus! We could use you and your caring in our Care Bear stare!

GUS: OK!

All get together and do the care bear stare. Care bear stare music plays. They finish.

ALL: Yay! We did it!

GUS: Yay, I can't believe I made President Bush happy! Look at him, he's skipping in his yard!

(While gus is looking down at Texas, the Care Bears slip away offstage)

GUS: Hey guys? Where'd you go? Wish bear? Funshine? (He runs around stage. Lights flicker for end of dream, he goes offstage.)

(Man in bed wakes up hazily.)

MAN: Oh no! I never met Friend bear, or Grumpy bear!

(Hot chick sits up next to him, he's been hidden)

CHICK: Babe, are you ok? You must have been dreaming?

MAN: Oh yeah, wow, weird dream... I'm fine, let's go back to bed.

(next night, same situation)

Gus enters. He's looking down. He sees the painter.

GUS: Hey... wait a minute... are you... it can't be... really? Bob Ross! I thought you were dead, oh my God! I've idolized you all my life! Ever since you left my life has been a dreary mix of greys and blacks!

BOB: No, no Gus. I'm very real and here. And life is colorful! So many happy trees and shoops shoops shoops. Come let's paint together.

(Corny happy hippie music comes on, they skip around the stage like it's a park and point out things and paint things. Big smiles. They hold hands and spin together. Lights flicker and music fades. Bob spins around the stage and exits)

GUS: BOB! NOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

BOB: (Dreamily) Remember Gus, there are no mistakes....only happy accidents....

(Gus chases after him. Black out)

MAN: (Waking up)NOOO!!! AH! Happy...happy...Bob, don't go! ( Lights up. He wakes up from his nightmare)

CHICK: (sits up) Honey, what happened? Were you having another nightmare?

MAN: Yeah, this one was so happy mountains and beautiful, and then it ended so sadly and he disappeared, and....nevermind...I'll be ok.

CHICK: Are you sure?

MAN: Yeah, go back to sleep. Didn't mean to wake you up.

(Next night. Same situation. Gus enters, Neeclo enters. They are avatar/pandora creatures)

NEECLO: Gus! My brother, I have searched all the land for you.

GUS: What!? Where am I? Oh no way! This is Pandora, and we're.... Oh my god! This is beautiful!

NEECLO: Of course it is. You act like you haven't been looking at it for your whole life. Come on, let's go to the Ehwah tree and ask her for guidance about the upcoming hunt.

(Beautiful Avatar music comes on, they jump around like they are in the forest and running. They are one with the nature. There are all kinds of colorful light effects)

(They reach the ehwah tree at center stage. They sit down in mediatation like poses. Gus holds up his braid)

GUS: Oh great one, Ehwah. Please give us strength for our great hunt. We confide in you to show us the way and keep us from harm.

(Both avatars start speaking Navi language. Music again, both do the weird praying head swinging thing. Lights flicker.)

Black OUt

MAN: (speaking an unintelligable language. He sits up reaching out for Ehwah. He comes to, realizes he was dreaming) It's not real....it must be real. I wanna go back! EHWAHH!!!! Bob!!!!!!!!! Funshine bear! I want happy forest Avatar land!

HOT CHICK: (Sitting up) Hey, Gus... what's going on? You keep waking up from all these nightmares, come here. (She tries to embrace him)

GUS: (He looks at her) NOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Don't touch me, you're ugly! Nothing compares to the beauty in my dreams! I wanna go back! (He runs to the center of the stage and falls on his knees) Oh GOOOODDDD PLEASE, I CANT LIVE LIKE THIS!!!!! PANDORA!!!!!