Valentine's Day

Scene: apartment of boyfriend and girlfriend.

GF: (Offstage) I can't believe it! I've finally gotten to 120 pounds! Can you imagine, 2 years ago I weighed 280 pounds more than I do now!

BF: You've done great baby! Those power walks with Sherry have really paid off for you! Come out here so I can that sexy ass!

GF: (Runs in and jumps into his arms, they kiss) Woo! MUUUAAH! I love you!

BF: MMM I love you! (spanks her) Speaking of love... Valentine's Day is coming up, did you have any ideas about what you wanted to do?

GF: Well, actually, I got the idea from a friend to go whale watching.

BF: (chuckling) Honey, you know I love the state fair, but it's not til August.

GF: Huh? What? No! I mean whale wathcing, like, at the ocean!

BF: Oh baby, I'm sorry, I thought you were joking...

GF: (getting upset) You know whale is a derogatory term for fatasses, and well, I guess that's how you saw me... (starts crying)

BF: Aw baby no! I would never think that! You were never a whale. You were beautiful. And you're beautiful now.

GF: Really?

BF: Of course honey, if anything you were an exquisite dolphin.

GF: Oh baby, I love you. (kisses, cheering up) Well, anyways, I also heard about a gourment 4 course meal at the OCB?

BF: Old Country Buffet? Baby only guys that are chubby chasers take their girl on a date there for Valentine's.

GF: Old Country Buffet? Chubby chasers? I was talking about the Old Capitol Brewery! Oh my God! So I guess a year a ago you would have been ecstatic to take me to the OLD COUNTRY BUFFET huh! You would have been the biggest chubby chaser ever! (starts crying again)

BF: Oh shit! No baby! Really. whenever I hear OCB that's what I think of. I go there with the guys from the auto shop for lunch.... come on baby... don't think that. If anything I would be called a hot new mother chaser, cause that's what you are. A mother. And that's beautiful.

GF: I bet when Sherry had her baby she didn't have to put another mattress next to her bed to make more space! AHhhh.....! (sobbing)

BF: Baby that mattress was because I was so turned on by you that I needed more room to roll around with you while makin love!

GF: (giggles a little) Yeah you did move around a lot more back then....

BF: See baby? You were and ARE a sexy mama. (kisses her)

GF: (clearing up) Ok, ok, you're right. I am sexy. I am sexy and confident and a strong woman!

BF: That's the spirit baby! So now, how bout we make a whole day of it, we can take the baby to my mothers. We will go whale watching, at the beach and then go to Old Capitol Brewery and then... a movie? Dancing?

GF: Ooh yeah let's go dancing! It'll feel good to get up on our feet! And it's been forever since we've gone dancing!

BF: Yeah, I could use the exercise anyway huh?! (sarcasm)

GF: Yeah, you should actually cut out on the beer, you're getting an alien growing inside of you beer gut. (baby crying offstage) Oh! Better go check on her.

BF: For sure....